[

current feeling

|

disappointed

]

Today I thank you Cj for finally giving me a reason to be mad at you. I know that when you stopped keeping in touch with me for a reason that I still have no idea about, I should have been mad at you. But I am all about the benefit of the doubt and second chances and all that that's why I didn't.

But today, you just kind of did me a favor. And I thank you for that! Thanks for giving me the courage to finally say I am over you. I am finally free from all the burden I've had for the past month.

I gotta say though, it was worth while. When you and I were still together. I'd be lying if I say I won't miss you cuz I definitely will. For now though, I am mad and disappointed and ashamed of you. Never thought of you this way. Which is sad.

Sooo.. forget about the 'love' shananigans I posted before this. Forget all about it. It felt real though!

I just came back Tuesday night from my 18-day trip to the Philippines. It was great to be there again with people I grew up with and the place I was so used to. But I wasn't so used to it anymore; a lot of things has changed and it wasn't as comfy as it used to. I had a great time though, that's the whole point.

My sick gramma got better and better as the day went by when we were there. She isn't anything near to being a cancer patient. That's why my mom hurried home so they can take her to the best lung center for another opinion about her illness.

As for CJ and I (see last post)... we're doin' great. Our communication's great and it feel sooo good to feel this way.

At first I was questioning myself as to what and how I feel for him. But that's no question anymore. I am inlove. I can't remember the last time I felt this way for someone. It may sound a wee bit pathetic for others but I really am inlove with this boy. I love every minute of it!

I just wish and hope that we'd stay together forever. Together not literally, but you get my point! Later kiddos.

 the plan isn't even 100% sure, it's only like 45% sure but for some reason i'm now having butterflies in my stomach, literally having dreams about places and people i want to see!

i have booked my flight to the philippines on february 21st to march 11th. that is 19 days, almost 3 weeks which isn't too bad i think.

i have never been excited like this in my whole entire life! it should be a great vacation. i cannot wait.

see you soon bhez. but i apologize at the same time 'cuz i won't be there for your birthday.

[	Tags	|	random, thoughts	]
[	current feeling	|	sick	]

I had enough sleep last night but I had a hard time getting up this morning. 

Now that I am up, had my daily dose of coffee already I still feel like I can't fully function yet!

It seems like I am coming down with something ... flu ... fever ... whatever it is, it is slowing me down at work. Not that I never slowed down before. But it sucks you know. My body feel heavy, I am nauseated, my throat hurts, I feel like I am going to throw up. NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT! Thank you very much. 

I don't want to take another tylenol cuz I've been taking one everyday for the past 4 days now I think. I don't want to end uphaving some liver problem!

[	Current Location	|	work	]
[	current feeling	|	gloomy	]

when i saw you,
i knew it was going to be the last time
i’d look through your eyes.  

that one last time, 
i saw in your eyes what i’ve let go of.
it was my fault. i know that.

i want to work it out, but i guess
i am a little too late now.
too bad for me huh?

now that i see you so happy with her,
i guess it’s really time for me to move on.

what i am trying to say is that…
i am sorry i didn’t try hard enough.
and that i truly miss you…



no matter how many guys i go out with, no matter how long it has been, i still can't get him off my mind. sometimes i wonder maybe i should go and ask him to just please get out of my head and give me peace for once. 

rafael, i've been with 2 guys already since you and i, but for some reason you're still here. it's not like we were together for years right? but why can't i get you out of my head?!

[	Tags	|	2007, pictures	]
[	current feeling	|	calm	]

wow. it's been awhile. and don't ask me why i am posting here, again. i just feel like it. well, maybe because i found out that LJ isn't blocked on our server like it used to; same with multiply, friendster, meebo and other websites like that... except myspace. boohoo. it's aight though.

okay, let me tell you what went out with me throughout the year. i will start with the second month of the year since i posted in january.

february 2007 - i met Derek. it was a roller coaster ride experience being with him. also went on a valentine's dinner with all of my friends, 22 of us all in all. =] also, i started hanging out with james. ^_^

  

march 2007 - my sister hit her 30th year. we had a "red themed" party for her... a party which later on became a cocktail party cuz there were so many people who came and there was nothing else to sit on. cool, huh? ... also went to north carolina with friends and family to say goodbye to my cousin Ryan who went to Iraq. (marine corps). on&off with derek.

  

april 2007 - jasimine's birthday. 2 parties in a row at her place. david told everyone that we hooked up when oh good gosh, we didn't even hold hands. tsk, men, eh? yep. first virginia beach trip with my lovelies Jasimine, Kristine and my sister Charo. hooked up at Peabody's with Mike. hung out with them boys at our hotel room... too much memories. on&off with derek.

may 2007 - my cousin Chinky finally graduated from Georgetown University. all of her family came over to celebraet with her. it was great. i met henry. ^_^ on&off with derek.



june 2007 - another trip to Virginai Beach for my dad's birthday. my sister met Andre... that's another long story. finally ended it with derek. whew! told you, it was a roller coaster ride!

 

july 2007 - hmm... met Chris. he's probably the highlight of this year... both good and bad highlight. 



august 2007 - had a party. went to virginia beach with my sister to visit andre. hooked up with his room mate Sparks (Rod) .... party-wise and feeling all care-free, this was the best one! ^_^

  

september 2007 - ofcourse, who would forget about this month. went to chicago for my cousin Ruby's wedding. i was there a week before the wedding and it just felt great. it was fun! 11 kids in one roof, how can that not be fun? heehee.

 

october 2007 - my brother Macho married his girlfriend Diane. that's probably the only highlight of this month.



november 2007 - a week later after the wedding, we went camping in Chincoteague and that was probably the stupidest trip me and my friends took. it was fucking freezing. i heard their cars's engines on at 4 in the morning.. apparently most of them went to their car to get warm.... on the other hand, i stayed in my tent. them pussies.

 

december 2007 - i love christmas. and it's approaching fast. ^_^ me and my family are doing christmas santa and i am so excited with wrapping gifts and buying presents. luvit.

[	Tags	|	boys, nightlife	]
[	Current Location	|	work	]
[	current feeling	|	freezing	]
[	current jam	|	I Wanna Know - Joe	]

Ultrabar last Friday. And once again this coming weekend, and Justin Timberlake's gonna be there too. I`m not a big fan, but what the hell!

 Top pictures: Me with my sis hanging out, chillen for awhile after dancing and going upstairs and downstairs at the club. Bottom pic: me and my sis with Stella. Picture credits go to Chris K., thanks hun! =)

About them stupid boys, I told the new guy (Nick) that it's better if we just stay friends. I mean, I do want a boyfriend right now, but the ones who keep coming are the ones that I don't like. How ironic. Well, I guess it`s not time for a boyfriend for my just yet. I`ll give it more time. 

With Andy, I don`t know anymore. I still talk to him, but I think I want time off from him. Space, is that what they call it; chyeah think so.

Like Amanda said, I have to find someone who I can stick with for awhile. And I`ll do that. Not just yet though. I`m having too much fun dating different guys. Haha.

I`m actually going to see Nick tonight. ^^ Smoke them hookah, betch.

[	Tags	|	boys, general, party	]
[	current feeling	|	calm	]
[	current jam	|	Sexy Love - Ne-Yo	]

so most of you probably already know that i don't update this unless my bhez updates hers. since she did do so, so here i am.

THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME RECENTLY...
1. i have a new job (med. records)
2. school's taking most of my time.
3. i passed all my midterms with a B+
4. i went to a bachelorette's party where i had a blast. (more info later)
5. i had a bf for 3 weeks, then i broke up with him. he turned psycho and stalker on me, who would want that? plus, he's 28 yearsold... i am 19.
6. i found out that my highschool mentor has a cancer but i haven't visited her which makes me an awful person.
7. i am turning into one of my most hated people... a player...
8. why? because i have been going out with a lot of different guys lately... and i mean, different guys.
9. i am now a full fledge club junkie despite of my busy life.
10. i dont get to go to PI this year, but my parents do.

ill let some of this pics do the talking...

   
 

[	current feeling	|	clueless	]
[	current jam	|	One Wish - Ray J	]

I have been pretty busy lately which is pretty good. I like it that way better than sitting in the couch and watching TV.

I was in New York last weekend for my cousin’s wedding. I stayed there for 3 days and 2 nights. Overall, the wedding was not bad at all. The party was awesome because my cousin who got married was or still is a party girl. Not to mention it was open bar for the dinner rehearsal and the actual wedding. They didn’t ask for my ID so I got to drink.

I have pictures, 300+ pictures. I just can’t seem to find the time to upload them and share em all to you. I am sure sooner or later, I will though. So don’t worry about it.

Yeah, I am graduating in 10 days. I can’t believe it. It’s finally here! Like all of a sudden, it’s here. I didn’t expect I would feel this way. I mean, it’s a mixed feeling of achievement and fear of letting go. I mean, it’s a whole new world in college! New environment, new ways of classes, new friends, oh gosh, new experiences… that could be the best part. It’s pretty exciting I tell you!

Bhez, The DaVinci Code… I hated the movie although I would have to say I love the book. I didn’t finish it all the way, I have like 30 pages left, but I pretty much get the ending. The movie, I didn’t like it very much. It confuses people about what to believe in and that’s not right. I mean, I know a lot of people came to think about “Was that true” but I think when people do that, they do make sins. Basta, for me, the whole story is BS but I would have to say that the movie was well done except the story line about Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. And plus, all I know is Leonardo DaVinci was a sick faggot. I hate him.

Bow.

[	current feeling	|	stressed	]
[	current jam	|	Be My Escape - Relient K	]

I was in my room last night trying to finish a Chemistry worksheet due later today, I found myself in re-thinking my decision about college. It might be too late to apply for Universities, but it's fine. What I re-thought last  night was my decision of taking Nursing as a major and minor in something I like, either webdesigning or graphic designing and I am even considering Photography.

My talk with Stella about graphic designers didn't help me any good. It just made me realize that I should do what I desire and not what my parents are making me take. But what do I do? I mean, I have failed my parents enough to refuse what they wish for me to be. I don't want them to talk about me in the future, how I have failed them and how I have failed the profession I have taken (in case I take what I want and fail on it). I don't want that to happen.

I want them to be talking about me, telling their amigos and amigas how proud they are of me for being a head nurse at a huge hospital or something like that.

But what if it doesn't make me happy? I know I cannot tell until I am actually doing what they want me to. The chances of me not liking it is like 70%! What if the only thing that could make me happy is do what my heart desires? I know I am not the best in any of the 3 things I want to do, but I enjoy doing it. I love doing it.

This thought holds my future.

Bhez, I just found out yesterday that Denise' mom in Chicago who is a head nurse in a hospital can get nurses from the Philippines. So we're all set for you. ;)